Suicide
by happypigs101
Summary: will she do it? will she take away her own life to escape her drama filled one? will she commite suicide? please R&R all normal no spies
1. Chapter 1

**hiiii im back and starting something new!**

**disclaimer: i dont own the gallager girls Ally Carter does**

Suicide. I can't go on living like this. Suicide. I can't keep living with people pushing me in the hallways because I'm simply there. Suicide. All the girls calling me a slut sometimes a whore. Suicide. It's all josh's fault. Suicide. He just had to go and tell all of his friends that we had had sex, when in reality id barely let him hold my hand. Suicide. Sometimes they call me a bitch because I push them out of my way or run in the opposite direction when someone approaches me. Suicide. But I DONT care anymore. I've had ENOUGH! I want OUT and I'll do anything to get out even suicide. If that's what it takes I'll do it. I won't be bullied any longer. I'm living out the rest of the week then I'm committing suicide. The one word I never so much as read about. But that's the old me the new me didn't care anymore, the new me was DONE. My mind was made up and I'm not backing out. Right?

**okayyyy i know its short buttttt im just getting started sooo please R&R**

**by the way i dont wanna commite suicide its just an idea that came to me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Heyyyy so here's chapter 2! I hope you like it.**

**Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee R&R it would mean a lot!**

"Cammie, up;" Her voice rang out around my room. I really hate Mondays. But that's ok because this is my last Monday. My last Monday waking up and wishing I was somebody else. And it felt awesome. That one thought brought a huge smile to my face because no one could take this one amazing light feeling away from me. I was free and I knew it. I felt special knowing something that other people didn't know. It made me different. Not that I always haven't been different.

I looked up at my mom. I was going to miss her terribly when I left and she was constantly on my mind. My decision affected her the most. But my mom was strong and she would live. She didn't need me, or that's what I keep telling myself at least. It was the only way I could justify what I was doing. By convincing me that I didn't matter and no one would care that the slut died. It would be a small tragedy. I could live, or die, with that in mind. It wasn't the most comforting thought either, but I no longer cared. In an hour I would be in my personal hell, more commonly known as school. And to say I wasn't excited would be an understatement. Note the sarcasm.

"Are you going to look at me all day or get dressed for school?"

"Im gonna go get ready?"

"You bet," and with one final look at me my mom left. I preferred it this way, being alone. It gave me time to think. But that's also how I came up with the whole suicide idea. Maybe it's a good thing I get to think a lot, maybe it's not. I really don't care.

As I pull myself off of my bed my smile returns. Last Monday, EVER! I go over to my closet and look at it. In reality my closet is boring and not something a typical teenage girl would have. My clothes are all black and gray and dark. They also cover my entire body. From my neck to the end of my wrists to my ankles. I started wearing more clothes like this shortly after my bad reputation started. I used to wear skirts and dresses (occasionally) and bright happy colors. I USED to do a lot of things. Like smile and laugh at well EVERYTHING. I used to crack jokes and participate in class. I used to have friends. Three great friends. Bex, Liz, and Macey. We did everything with each other until I pulled away. Until I got depressed.

As I get dressed I can't help but think of how things might have been different. I would probably still be friends with Bex, Liz, and Macey. I wouldn't be planning to kill myself either. If only I wouldn't have gone out with josh….or if he had been more honest. If only. Sometimes I wish that my life could have been like that. But I know its wishful thinking.

I quickly continue to get ready before my mom comes back upstairs and yells at me.

**Sooooooooo nice people on FF please click the nice pretty button on the bottom of the page labeled review! Hoped you enjoyed me story **


	3. Chapter 3

**Heyyy it's been so long and I'm ….. Dipsey or 13luckystars thanks for motivating (forcing) me to write this, and for the idea ! Oh and I love refrigerators and I know what you mean are old one used to do that...lol creative Dipsey creative. Okay on with the story**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing …. But Ally Carter does and she writes thousands of times better than me so maybe it's a Goode thing I own nothing…**

After the long walk I took to get to school from my house, I walked to my locker. Liz walked up to me and said she liked my outfit, but I knew she was lying I was covered in plain black and my hair was in a pony. Nothing special. So I kept on walking down the hallway away from my former friend. I didn't stop until I reached the class room and sat in the back row. My first period was science. I never really did anything in school. I didn't talk, I didn't eat lunch, and I stayed as far away from people as I could. I did okay in school though. Did my homework, worked on what they told me to. Just never oral reports. I left school on those days; I don't talk in front of people. Most called me a loner. They were probably right.

When the room filled up and the teacher asked us to partner up, so I asked if I could go to the bathroom first. In my school partner up meant project and I don't do those. They suck. For the rest of first period I was in the bathroom. Second period I had history which I went to only to figure out that we had a new kid. His name was Zeke or something. I really didn't care. The only seat open was of course by me. But that didn't matter I wasn't gonna talk to him anyway. I should have known that wasn't gonna work. He turned in his seat and looked at me.

"Hi I'm Zach, what's your name," he asked.

"Um, Cammie." Then I looked away to show him I didn't want to talk. Which I got lucky the teacher decided to talk then.

At lunch I ate in the bathroom to avoid everyone else. Not that I ate much I was fat enough at 100 lbs** (AN I know that's not fat but she thinks it is soooo) **but I ate anyway. Usually the bathrooms were empty in the science hallway because it smelled weird down there. But today someone came in so I ran into a stall with my lunch and crouched down on the toilet seat so that no one would know I was there. Then I heard:

"I don't know what to do anymore Bex."

"What do you mean Liz?"

"She ran away from me this morning. All I did was compliment her…I don't understand her anymore. She's completely different and I'm not so sure if she's reachable anymore.

Then a third voice entered the conversation,"hey guys theirs someone in here."

Shit.

**Okay again I'm sorry for the long wait and I hope that's a Goode chapter? Please review. It would make my day. You could even write something that has nothing to do with my story like my friend did with her refrigerators (13luckystars) if you do that I'll comment on it because I love random things. So random fact about me…..I like cheese especially string cheese **


	4. Chapter 4

**Heyyyyyyyyyyyy guys sorry it's been so long…I could come up with a million excuses as to why I haven't updated in a while but I'm not gonna waste my creative juices on being brilliant…soooooo some of you wonderful people out there said something random and it made my day awesome I had a huge grin on my face! Okay I will now recognize you amazingly fantabulous awesome wonderful people!(Hahahaha Dipsey I know a lot of big words hahahaha ha ha…..to bad that's about it)**

**Emzoe****: bananas are awesome there all banana-ie and erm yellow and stuff **** and thanks on the amazing author part I appreciate it a lot because I don't think I am…might have somin to do with past ELA grades….**

**13luckystars(****Dipsey): your totally being watched just so you know **** and I know about your posters heheheheeeeee crazy fans **** I didn't say it your totally not a groupie Dipsey…jkkk you sooo are and sorry bout the wait I'm just you no sooo busy doing nothing so yeah there! Annddddd hahahahaaa ha ha on the bribe thing it didn't work AGAIN cuz for some reason I think you've done it before to get me to read some book that I only read the first sentence to….maybe and you should totally think of something…..bribing is fun! **

**IamMe03****: first off awesome name! I understand the cheese thing completely it's fantabulously awesome! **

**Nerdynerdnerd**: **i reallllllllly love your name! and I didn't know that fact…..really cool! Thanks for reviewing…totally made my day **

**FunterMunter****: umm okay I wasn't trying to stereotype….my cousins used to dress in all black and they weren't suicidal. Iread somewhere that people change there appearance so I chose to go with that and have her dress in black. I hope this explains why shes suicidal more but the main reason is because she doesn't see what there is left to live for…..to her, her life is over. Thank you for saying my writin is good it means a lot **

**And because I like your review ****JessGoodeFan****: yeah I can understand your confusion…it would probably confuse me to if I was reading a story by well...me soo yeah how they feel about her will kinda be told as the story progresses and if you're even more confused after that then blame 13luckystars she gave me the idea **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Gallagher Girls series thing cuz I'm not Ally Carter**

**On to my story….**

Shit. Shit. Shit. And ohh yeah SHIT!

"Ummm yeah bye!" I yelled as I ran out of the bathroom.

Yells of 'Cammie' followed me all the way down the hallway. Why does life go okay I'll cut you a break only to screw you over twenty seconds later. Life officially sucks and I personally thought mine couldn't get any worse. But I was wrong again because the fate train had it out for me. Why life hated me so I would never know but there's not much I can do about that now. Just remember at the end of this week, I told myself, you'll be nothing but a memory in very few people's eyes. Nothing but a damn person forgotten over time by people you thought loved you…or at least that's what I kept telling myself.

Because of course the next person I run into is Zach. He smiles at me, no he SMIRKS at me. For the love of god why do people smirk it's so damn annoying. Wait I think he's talkin…

"Um what?"

He grunts, stupid boy.

"I said 'where's the lunch room.'"

"Oh um right over there," I pointed to two large doors with the word CAFITERIA above it. "Soo yeah thanks for the chat but I'll be off now," then I ran like hell.

After going to the other bathroom in my school I went into a stall and tried to calm my breathing. When I had leaned on the wall and slid down so I was sitting on the ground. I rested my chin on my palm and lost myself in my thoughts.

Why did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn't I have been smarter? Then maybe I wouldn't have let Josh trick me or my mom ridicule me or my father's death rule my life. Maybe then I would have actually cared about my heath or grades or something, anything. If I was to be completely honest with myself, I didn't want to die. I didn't want to pull the trigger on my own life and end it. But I also knew I did. I wanted everything that had been troubling me to disappear. I wanted to not have to live with my guilt and my problems. And damn it I wanted to escape this hell hole we call the world.

To get my mind off of my horrible thoughts I glanced around the bathroom. There was toilet paper on the ground dirt everywhere and I even thought I saw mud.

'Bathrooms are so disgusting,' was the last thing I thought before the bell rang and I forced myself to stand up and go to class. Just to the end of the week I thought as I left the bathroom.

**Okayyyyyy hope you liked it! Sooooooorrrrrrryyyyy it took so long. Um okay anybody every dance in the store and get weird looks? I have **** sooo much funnnns! I've also danced in the car on the highway and got stared at….I call it highway entertainment **

**Pleasseeeeeeeeee review it would mean a lot ;O**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hellllllllllllllllllllllllo everyone how are you? Merry Christmas to everyone that celebrates and have an amazing New Year! Thanks for the wonderful reviews!**

**Beautiful-Not-Hot****: thank you for taking the time to update every chapter! You are amazing thankkkk youuuuu soo muchhh!**

**: you really wouldn't be liveng! when people figure that out we'll be all goode!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own…Ally Carter does **

**On to me story ****ENJOY**

When I got home I started thinking up ways to end my life.

I had never been good with loss. Once, when I was seven, my goldfish died and we flushed it down the toilet. I cried for three weeks about my goldfish until my dad brought me home a hamster to make me feel better. When I was nine we went on vacation and I forgot about him…he died. I cried like a baby every time I saw his cage. I refused to let my mom and dad take it out of my room for three months.

So when my father passed away I cried myself to sleep for a year. I was eleven years old and my daddy was takin away from me….it sucked…a lot. My mom shut down, she became numb and hollow and depressed. It took her a few years to even look me fully in the eye, but she did come around. She's better now, went to a therapist to help….I was left behind and my wounds have yet to heal. It still feels like yesterday that my dad walked through the door telling me good morning.

Part of me feels bad for leaving her all alone, but I know she'll be fine. She'll find other people to talk to, to hang out with, to love. She doesn't need me….she never had.

I was thinking about overdosing but I wouldn't be sure on one drug, and I can still survive that. I want the end of my life to only come once. I don't want to live after I decide to die; I want this to be it.

I could bleed out but that seems really painful and long, someone might catch me in time to save my life.

I could drown myself, but that scares me water filling my lungs until I can't breathe, that can't be pleasant. So that was out.

I was thinking of jumping off of the hospital parking garage. Yeah the parking garage would be perfect. Just six days left then I'll jump.

"Cammie," my mom said, "dinner."

"Coming." Six days til I get my out.

**Hope you liked my story **** ummm please review and i get to meet my cousins boyfriend today…oooo**

**Anyone have a holiday story? If not aren't teddy grams awesome?**


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